The World Is A Circle Without a Beginning and Nobody Knows Where The Circle Ends

Has it been ages ~ or what!  Oh blog of mine, how did I forget you?  Well - quite simply put . . . we've been BUSY!  Life happened in between the last post and today.

Here's the short version.  We're back.  We're sick (bronchitis) and we're busy. 

We're tan. We're coughing (laryngitis) and we're busy.

We'll be posting pictures soon (too busy right now) ~ but we had a great two weeks time off.  Won't tell you where .. but I'll post details and pictures soon for contacts only.

So much going on!  And exciting news to share privately.  Now that I tickled your fancy, you can log on so I'll know who I'm sharing my info with. 

:) Everyone else, tsk tsk.

In all the frenzy of the events of the last 3 months, I've meant to post this joyful news!  I'm going to become a grammie all over again!  In September!

Am I so excited or what!  Seriously, this is what it is all about - and as for ME...I am over the moon excited.

Life blessed.

"In the end, we are all reduced to the stuff we accumulate in life ... but it is the memories that linger"

That's my conclusion.  That's everyone's life story.  And life?  It goes on for the living.

Bev's memorial was very poignant and fitting for a woman who loved life, inhaled every bit of excitement it offered.  She would've been proud of how the ceremony was handled, who came and honored her memory.  She would've laughed with her three boys who spent the wee hours of the morning laughing and sharing stories
.



She did good.  Now it's our turn.

Goodnight, Oma. You were the grand prize.

I tried to break a record today but was able to stay in my bright pink pajamas only until around 3pm after which I was totally disgusted with myself.  Well, not really.  It was not intentional - but that's what happens when you are awakened by a biz phone call early in the morning and have to work bright and early.  And also when your puppy walks all over you at 730am because he's tired of being in bed for hours.

It was rather dreary today, rainy, cold and dark.  Luckily I was busy - and even better, it was a Friday.  W was out and about and was nice enough to run our errands.  We were out of basic necessities - which to us means bananas and toilet paper, so he offered.

I didn't have the heart to tell him I don't like Angel Soft and don't like generic paper towels...but I was profusely grateful for not having to leave the house.  My gas tank has been on E for 3 days..us venturing just within town so no need to gas up.  I don't foresee any long trip this weekend too.

I finally washed and dried all dishes on the kitchen sink.  I took advantage of this burst of energy I had at about 10pm or so last night.  Heck I even tried to move furniture (again).

I still have a hideous dislike for laundry..so the choice is (1) Target or (2)  Marshalls - for socks!  Good gracious, when in the world will I see a yaya in my life again.

But...I'm here where it's cozy, on my couch, under a blankie, with about 8 candles fervor burning and 'soundscapes' music playing.  I do not care one bit about Blagojevich or even Gov. Paterson's senate appointment.  The election's over.  Gimme some good news.

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I need a Nate fix.

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It's cold and dreary and life has to go on for the living.  I remember saying this to my mom when my grandmother passed away.  It's so much easier said than done.  I realize now that when someone fills so much of your life, this is easier said than done.

I've been contemplating lately.  We're doing that a lot now.  And today, we went to Bev's flat to make sure it was clean and ready to host a couple family friends who are visiting from Hawaii.  It felt like life stood still.  Her jacket hanging by the counter stool where she could just pick up and go. Her reading glassed by the bedside and her shoes where they had been left the night before. Weird how life just stopped. 

There are reminders of a fully lived life everywhere, in every nook and cranny.  In fact, Earl's presence still looms large.  I count my blessings to have known and been loved by.

And then I returned home to a bunch of work email and requests for quote.  It goes on for me, the mere mortal.  Oh...On our way to lunch we saw the meter maid park her vehicle..and a car parked by an expired meter.  We decided to put some coins in to save the owner from a parking violation.  Pay it forward.  Bev would've said ''good! good!"

Alright - time to go..I have a puppy insisting on playing so I must throw a stuffed toy around. Seize the day, eh?

Like the rest of humankind, we watched President Obama's inauguration yesterday.  It has been a year now since we saw him in full living color, live and charismatic - January 08 before the Nevada Caucus.  And now he is our President.  Awesome and amazing and we have so much hope in this man.

I feel like today is suppose to be a beginning, but I'm still working at closing a chapter in my life. Bev's passing has been hard because she was a huge part of our life, especially in these last few months when we were filled with concern and caring for her.  It was not an unexpected end to her story, but nevertheless it is still a shock to the system.  There's definitely a void and we're still trying to figure out how to fill it, if, in fact that is what we need to do.  I guess only time will tell.

In the meantime, we are going through the motions.  There is still today and the present.  When two huge events in one's life happens at the same time..one feels like a doe staring at headlights.  I better get out of the way.

In the meantime, if you happen to be reading this...just remember to count your blessings each day.  Don't forget to tell your family you love them. Thank God for your blessings and seize the day.  I learned all this in three months.

The day before Bev passed away, Kym sang this song to her, close to her ear so she could hear.  She was in a coma, but they say that hearing is the last to go.  She loved this song, and it summarized her life. 


Smile though your heart is aching;
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by.
If you smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through for you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

In retrospect, we had two weeks we now must consider a bonus.  She was on the edge of death for a while - but recovered just enough to celebrate her 80th birthday, see her good friends and visit her favorite places one last time.  We were even able to have one more full family Sunday coffee.

And then on Monday, the losing battle begun - and on Sunday, January 18 - Bev was finally relieved of all mortal worries and was reunited with Earl.  She lived a very full life and loved every minute of it.

I'm still at a loss and for once can't come up with the words to describe this tiny lady who was full of life.   And she never missed an opportunity to tell me how much she loved us.  At 4:10pm today, it will be 48 hours. 

I was the last one with her because I couldn't leave - didn't want to.  But when I did, I knew it would be the last time I would feel her, touch her and hold her hand.  I ran through the names of everyone I know she cared for , just to tell her we'd all be alright and we would watch out for each other. 

What a life, what a joy to have known her. 

Rest in bliss, Beverly! 

The New Year has so far (knock on mahogany) been kind to us.

We started the work with with early morning orders on Monday at 630am.  A sign of good things, I hope. We closed four good orders from online this week.  My blogging works wonders.  I hope I find new things next week.

We celebrated Bev's 80th and she is doing well.  Aurora has been a great help but she is leaving next week to return to her employer.  Aside from a few iffy moments, it looks like Bev is improving - so we still hope.

W got the good news yesterday - he is keeping his job and not on the layoff list.  How about being #47 out of 48 people who made the cut.  We have taken it as a sign to not take things for granted and to appreciate all the blessings we have been given. This was a close call.

My friend (classmate) Lynn is coming with me to Vegas next week..and we are watching Cirque du Soleil's production of LOVE.  I can't wait!  I'm excited to see it as I've heard nothing but great reviews.  Going to miss my husband for 3 days (and working 2000 suppliers), but it should be fun with a friend.  I would've hated being alone (I would be whiney).  Last year, I did an SOS and had W fly out to Vegas.  That's when we found out Barack was in town and we went to see him.  One year ago.  Who woulda thunk!

I spent Tuesday with J and Nate - tooooo cute for words.  I posted some pics on FB.

On Thursday, I got my hair trimmed at this new salon I was referred to and found out that the guy who cut my hair is the same person who helped my niece when she came here a couple years ago.  VERY TINY WORLD.

It's Friday, I love Fridays.  I'm tired. I can't type anymore.

We did not celebrate the end of 2008 with a bang.  We celebrated it early, 9pm Pacific / midnite in New York.  For the most part, we watched CNN show much of Times Square so we reminisced about our fun short vacation there this last summer. 

New Year's eve Danielle came by and she, Kym and I had lunch at Vo's.  Yumm.  After that we went to visit Bev at the flat so Danielle could take her vitals.  We arrived at the flat and Bev and the yaya were eating sinigang!  I cracked up cuz my mominlaw never had sinigang ever and she liked it!  Aurora also made jello for her.  They were both at the dining table which was good since Bev was having some meals in bed.  We stayed for a little more than an hour - all in the living room.  Overall it was a good visit and a nice one to share with D.

Today (NY's day) was fairly quiet. I woke up at 8 and it was my turn to spend in the living room with Newman as W crawled back in bed till 11am.  I watched the Rose Parade and remembered myy dad.

Then - Kym dropped by....with Bev!!!  It was such a pleasant surprise!  She was walking gingerly, but unassisted.  Memory is shot (short term) but heck, I'll take that!  We tried to Skype CT but no answer.  Bev is not used to having a yaya follow her around. She's so independent and will have to get used to it, and get stronger.  It's hard to hope, but still, I do. It was a very pleasant surprise. 

I hit Target for quick supplies and then came home to relax.  W is almost over his flu.

Newman got a bone and is diggin' it.  All is calm on NY's day 2009.  I don't want to venture out.

Okay - so today was a definite pamper day.  I woke up at leisure (8am, boo) and then booked a two hour treatment at a local day spa that I had a gift certificate for. No cares in the world. I worked for 1 hour and decided it was enough.  I'll pretend I didn't read your emails!

Half an hour in a hot jacuzzi and 1 1/2 hours of taking the knots out of every nook and cranny in my body. Sheesh, even my knuckles hurt!  I was jello-like when it was all over.  Ran to the store to pick up some quick food and headed home.  I had sort of planned on going to the Sound of Music singalong at the Castro Theatre but after a shower to rinse all the oil from - it was too cozy here at home so I didn't venture out.  The W is still down with the flu; Day 3.  Hopefully he'll end the year on a healthy note.

Aurora is tucked in with Bev.  I called, and they were having problems with memory and incont(..) but otherwise, were fine.  Aurora was able to walk to Sway while Bev was asleep. She was eating fairly well - but sleeping a lot.  I'll go visit tomorrow as I'm not sure if I'm a virus vehicle right now.

So it's coming to the end of a crazy year for the world.  My hopes are that all of you hang in there and support your friends, family and loved ones as we all muddle through this mess created by an administration that has run amuck.  I pray for guidance and wisdom for our incoming President and safety for his family.  I pray for a peace miracle.

Tomorrow, the last day of 2008, I will reflect on the year that was - and cross my fingers for the coming new year.

I'll say a little prayer for you!

Well, this sure was one weird holiday season that almost went un-noticed, for me at least. However, in after all the festivities, I learned one thing (again). That life is unpredictable and if you just go with the flow and not fight the energy facing you - it's survivable.

The best thing that happened to me this holiday was Nathan - and my family who understood full well the meaning to being together.  This was a fun one seeing the holiday from the eyes of a little boy who just wanted to play with his guitar and piano and ride his bike.

We spent Christmas eve at Brett's a little bit subdued but still being together.  We normally would have been at Bev's but she was still at KPPACC.  She was really missed. 

Christmas day was at the Simons and we all brought a dish.  We were all there, including the 3 pups - so them and wrapping paper...well, it was fun to watch.  Nate was a fun one to watch as he opened his presents very slowly and took his time enjoying each one before he went onto the next.  He wasn't overly gifted (broke that cycle, thank God). I'll post some more pictures for y'all to enjoy and some are already on FB.

Day after Christmas I had this senseless energy to clean house.  Maybe it was because it was Friday.  I got so much done...but I put a lot of stuff off.  And I even treated myself to a rare manicure / pedicure.

W had a cold (boo)

Saturday we picked Bev up from KPPACC and brought  her home.  Kym and I went to pick her up while W waited at the condo.  It felt like she was glad to be home.  To me it just felt like our whole month's ordeal with Kaiser was finally over.  What a nightmare from start to finish.  I do not have one good thing to say about the experience with them. 

Today I picked up Manang Aurora to introduce her to the family.  She will be the full time caregiver for Bev beginning tomorrow. 

Everyone count your blessings from 2008 and hope it pours into the coming New Year. I know what I was blessed with and in spite of the dim holiday - I loved - and was loved in return.

Can't ask for more.

So I finally went to Target today.  Then I realized I had zero shopped at all for Christmas. I got some wrapping paper but I don't have many things to wrap (a few things are arriving tomorrow). It's just been that kind of holiday.

My mominlaw is slowly recovering and will be released on Friday (or after they arrange getting a hospital bed to her flat).  I am now desperately looking for a full time caregiver.  Not too much lead time - so we'll see what happens.

My neck is tremendously strained - i will need a nice break this weekend.  This has been the most bizarre year in my entire life - but I still find that I have been blessed.  In spite of.

I'm glad my kids realize that Christmas is about family and being together. I'm thankful for that! I can't wait to watch Nate open presents.

I don't know how the end of a journey goes, but I have one thing I can say.  I will forever be grateful for being part of hers.

Today was an up day for me and Kym, visiting Oma at KPPACC.  I got there and they had trouble getting her to wake up, so I tried.  She opened her eyes and smiled and said

"Oh I'm so glad you're here,honey,  I love you so much, you just don't know it".

"I love you to", I said.  "And I know you love me but let's go to therapy".  I didn't give her a chance to say no.  She opened her eyes and held my hand and I sat her up.

Sherry arrived right about then and then it was a small party and she was naturally all smiles. She used her walker to walk to the PT area - not ride in the wheelchair which Sherry moseyed along behind her.  Just in case.

(Thought to self:  "How can the end be near, she's walking so fast!")

Therapy was brief, but it was therapy and she could follow instructions.  Kym arrived right then and then it was a BFF event.  I loved how this mother and daughter NEVER had an argument in life.

And of course, I wanted to remember moments (iPhone rescue).





How can this be near the end?  Yesterday, she didn't even recognize us, and today she was her perky self.  I guess ours is not to question why.  I kept telling myself "Remember this".."make a memory".  I was glad to be there until we tired her out.

Brett's visit had a few laugh moments as we discussed age - and memory.

"You don't even know how old I am!" said Brett.  "Tell them how old you think I am!"

Bev remarked "I told you you were 32!!"  (Brett is 54). 

"Well how old do you think I am" she then remarked.

"You're almost 80!"  Brett said loudly so she could hear him (without the hearing aid)

"No !!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  She was shocked!  "Really??"  Oh, it was a mental Kodak moment. Why am I trying to cram all the good moments now.  I'm not ready to say goodbye.

We sang "O Come Emanuel" and let her have some M&M's off the Advent Tree Calendar beside her.

"You can have extra treats in the middle of the night", I whispered in her ear. 

After she declared she was ready to rest and lay down, Kym and I got her comfortable in her bed.  They didn't have a blanket for her since they had changed her sheets, so we went outside and were told where all the linen was.

"This is bad", I told Kym.  "We're already being told where everything is.  They're telling us to get comfortable here".

We said our goodbyes with many I Love You's and I Love You Mores.  Can I have one more day?

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At the lobby, K & I sat for a few minutes to mentally rehash and get ready to head on home. To life that distracts us once more.  To the nitty gritty everyday chores, work, reality, pets and family.

Beth, the NP at the facility told me something that was peaceful to know.

"The memories we all have are all banked in our minds"  We had lots of them.

Tomorrow? Only God knows.  But today was good. I'll take it.

It's a rainy Sunday today.  Not much rest as we went to coffee for a family meeting and then I came home to change and get ready for lunch at my sisters.

My niece turned 15 today - my how time flies. I remember when she was born and came home in a baby carrier and was placed under the Christmas tree - all the way in NYC. 

It's a strange day for me.  I'm glad I had some time to spend with the kids - especially Nate who smiled and ran to me when he arrived (melt my heart!!)

Aside from being sad about my mominlaw, my puppy is not feeling well today.  He's a bit lethargic and it's Sunday and there's no vet to go to. Ugh, sometimes I wish I can wake up and everything will be okay.  I'm afraid it won't :(

Driving home from Belmont was a bitch.  It was pouring rain and there was construction at the end of the SM Bridge. Plus I'm not exactly the best driver in the world. 

---------I'm soooo glad I got to hug my grandson today.  He's really the cure-all !!

PS:  I'm going to demand my medical degree from Kaiser!

It's hard to feel holiday-ish around here.  My mominlaw is still at Kaiser Post Acute Care and now with a very high level of ammonia in her blood. . . which indicates some kind of liver failure.  The is weak and delirious and confused.  I think I know more than the doctor, it's really sad.  We visited today and she was in the 'Activity Room' and when she went she was in a wheelchair asleep and weak and wanting to go lay down.  I don't know what to feel anymore, it's really frustrating.

I Googled  some symptoms and will add to the questions we will have for the doctor on Monday. Can you believe that?  Monday?!!  I just pray she's not hurting.  It really doesn't look good.  Our hopes are up and down.  Today is down.

Perhaps we're skipping the holidays this year.  I know I have a lot to be thankful for and I'll get to that point soon.  But today is down.

Oh, btw...I'm teaching a blogging class online.  Yathink! 
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Watching The Food Channel all afternoon to try and feel Christmas-y

Reading back some of my entries and it feels like ages ago! So much has happened between then and now.  The T/T Johnsons and the littles were all here for a week around Thanksgiving. It was hard because Bev was sick too but the did their share watch duty.  Bev has congestive heart failure and is still in/out of it.  Last episode was high ammonia which is a sign of liver failure. They gave her lactulose..but do not know why the liver falied.

Besides this I've had orders almost every day and clien visits.  I can't go to the shop anymore cuz its almost 2pm by the time i'm ready to leave.  Perhaps after the new year I'll try again.

I've also been doing triple blog duty which is not easy.  I have a group   of 5 people already wanting to be in a class.

Well I hope this finds everyone well, or as best as you possibly can be. Hopefully we will feel Father Christmas and really soon!!

Gosh, this blog feels so ancient I hardly had any time to devote to it. I'm so swamped but thats good. i have project and propositions up the wazoo and hope to close some of them soon

My inlaws from CT arrive on Friday for a week but I don't thinl I'll be able to take some time off, except on Thanksgiving. I've been super swamped, plus trying to close some business partnerships in anticipation of these crazy economy.

wish us luck!

Anyone missing me?  No?  :(
Well I've been uberly swamped with so many projects I can''t say no to and i challenge myself to make everything WELL.  I have 3 open business propositions that I'm working on along with a bunch of orders i need get into the system.

Well it turns out one of my prospects businesswise will be an outsourced company in India.  45 people team of engineers.  Im still held by a non disclosure but one we say yay..we're amped. I still have to iron out the details.  we have a little window in December. If not we wll launch after the new President takes place.  Can you guys hang on that long??

We are targetting recession proof markets..


so today i was busy writing for  www.logo247,typepad.com  our PromoForum, built from the ground up and will be big!  Plus i have my day job, and a new venture...okay..i must bemanaged because i am all over the place.

okay, the xanax is starting to kick in so i better shuddup :)